Hi there, let’s talk about boundaries. My entire life, I’ve practically been boundary-free, and I didn’t really see any problem with it. It wasn’t until a few years ago that I really started to acknowledge and dive deep into my issues with boundaries. The problem with not establishing healthy boundaries is that it doesn’t demonstrate self-love, and sometimes it can cause resentment.
I’ve realized that, usually, if a person doesn’t have boundaries, then more than likely they aren’t comfortable with their close loved ones having boundaries. which can complicate things because this isn’t practiced. What I did a lot was not set boundaries with others but get upset and resentful at those same people for having them. You see, in my mind, it was like, “Well, I allow you to do or say such and such, so you should too.”
It never really occurred to me that this was toxic and unhealthy until a few years later, specifically after my divorce. I had a friend who set boundaries regarding the time she shared with me. Nonetheless, I didn’t make any plans with her, believing that if I cared about my friend the majority of the time, I should make myself available to her. However, she didn’t share those same sentiments. Don’t get me wrong: I will always be a good, caring friend. However, this time around, I am aiming to set healthy boundaries and carve out time for myself and my mental well-being.
The friend that I referred to earlier was not a good friend to me towards the end of our relationship, but that doesn’t change the fact that I wasn’t respecting her boundaries. She didn’t want me to call her all the time. Yet even when she was not in a relationship or having relationship issues, she constantly wanted to talk. My problem is not being honest with her and letting her know whether or not you’re single or in a relationship. I love you, but I still can’t drop anything and everything because you’re single, just like you won’t for me, and that’s fine. A part of me felt used, though, because setting healthy boundaries is one thing, but using them or not using them when it’s only convenient for you is another.
The moral of this story is that healthy and reasonable boundaries are good, but let’s be fair and authentic with them. Let’s not use boundaries as a selfish or lazy excuse to not be there for someone we love. We can still choose to be there for them, but maybe modify things so that it doesn’t interfere significantly with your mental health and life. There is a difference between having boundaries and being selfish and uncaring in relationships of any kind. Let us love each other while respecting each other.
#Zulie’sWritingChallenge
